My oldest shoes. (part 2)

Last post I talked about my oldest pair of shoes, and all the memories that I associated with them. I talked about how they represented my past, and how by wearing them(living in the past) instead of getting new shoes(living in today) I was hurting my feet. This is because my feet have grown, and because shoes don't last forever. Which is a terrible shame. Not so much that my shoes that my shoes didn't last, I have better shoes now! but more so that things in general don't last. Things that you love, and put great amounts of hope for happiness in.

This was the saddest thought that I had when contemplating throwing my shoes away. My thoughts were taken back to a scene in "A curious case of Benjamin Button" Where Brad Pitt's Character says

"I was thinking how things never last, and what a shame that is."
Cate Blanchett replies with some encouragement towards their relationship saying "Somethings last."

Towards the end of the movie, however, they tragically split apart due to circumstances they can't control, and Catie B says "you were right, nothing lasts." (But is it really that unexpected? he's growing backwards! you think she would have seen it coming) Her words, and their situation feel awfully familiar. Not so much the growing younger part, or even necessarily the life long romance part, but the losing of something/someone we love or cherish.

Nothing lasts. We experience this reality everyday. Good and bad things, great and small grow and disappear in our lives. When bad situations disappear, we are grateful, but when things we are grateful for disappear, we lament. My shoes didn't last. High school didn't last. The weekend didn't last. The shows I performed in didn't last. Relationships didn't last. My booze buzz didn't last. Some friends didn't last. A lot of these things are what I put my happiness in, and they didn't last. My happiness didn't last.

Now I don't want to write a sob story. As Mrs. Gump would say "Death is just a part of life." Parts of our lives dying out is natural, and just because things don't last forever doesn't mean that their bad investments of our time. But when we are living(either consciously or not) for something that fails, our lives fail. Not physically, but metaphorically. When you place your hope into your favorite shoes(more metaphors) and they fall apart, so does your hope. If you live for the weekend, and Monday roles around, how do you feel? How do I feel? Not well.

This is why I am a christian, or maybe perhaps why i'm a person who hopes that God is real. While everything in life comes to an end, God does not. The very nature of him is everlasting, and when I place my hope in him, my hope is everlasting as well. Again i'm not trying to knock the weekend, temporary happiness, or anything like that, but what I am suggesting is that the basis for long term peace in our lives should be something with grit, longevity, and durability.

Everyone knows the wise man who built his house on the rock, when his life went through tribulation, his house stayed intact, because of his solid foundation. As opposed to the foolish man who built his house(happiness/peace/hope) on the sand. When his life was tried, his house was washed away. (Jesus was the author of this parable) The Bible says that God is a "Everlasting Rock" (Isaiah 26:4) and that we should place our trust in him because of said strength. With that, I think we should all ask ourselves "what am I living for?" And we should go further and ask, how have/are our investments holding up? I think the most beautiful part of this story though, is when I look at trusting in God, in contrast to trusting in myself.

 Whenever I trust in me alone to make me happy, I quickly realize how bad of an idea it is. My confidence, positive self image, ability to do right by other people, "Godliness" are all things that tank, quickly. None of them seem to last very long, yet not only does the idea of, or the actual entity of God last, but so does his love. When I have a hard time loving myself, God is quick to love me.  Romans say that "There is nothing that can separate us from the love of God." and this is what brings me rock solid peace, because I need love.

Cate Blanchett was right all along. Somethings last. and I am so thankful.

My oldest shoes. (part 1)

Today, I was rearranging the shoes at my house. Rather, I was picking up the dozens of pairs of shoes scattered about our house, and arranging them neatly by our front door. (A task that has to be done in our house every other week or so, so that we don't feel like the trash monster from "A New Hope" could be living in the clutter) While doing this, I stumbled across a very old pair of shoes. My oldest shoes, in fact. At least the oldest pair that are still in use.

 A pair of brown, plaid, converse all-stars. I've had them since I was 13. They're pretty beat up now; the cloth is tearing, the laces have tape on them, three of the four metal rings on the inner sides have fallen out, and the rubber in the soles and sides is all but worn away. About a year ago, I liked their wear and tear. It gave my shoes character! But now, my Chuck Taylor's have become more ratty than rugged, and while cleaning, this thought came across my mind, "I should just throw these away", and with that thought, I became very sad.

I've had a lot of good times in those shoes. I've had them for 8 years! Through out high school, when I lived at my parents house, while doing sports and theatre, any adventure I've had up until this point involved those shoes. Now, I certainly didn't wear those shoes everyday, but when looking back at my life, and now with the possibility of them being thrown away, I can't immediately remember any other pair that I've owned, nor can I think of me wearing a different pair in the future.

The thought of me throwing away the shoes now, after reminiscing, seems tragic. It's like i'm throwing away the memories. I think what I'm really afraid of though, is the next pair of shoes that I own. How can they possibly be as good? I don't really want another pair! I just want to stay in my old, comfortable, beautiful, familiar shoes. But alas, they are old and dirty, and the soles are so worn down that they hurt my feet. Not mention, my feet have grown, and my converse don't even fit as well as they use to. I should move on, but that's difficult.

These shoes represent my past, to me. I'm always thinking about the good old days, which is usually anything before the previous year. I've had a good life, and I don't think there is anything wrong with reminiscing, but when I am stuck on the past(old shoes) it takes away from the positivity that is today and my future(new shoes). I shouldn't be sad that my life ISN'T what it use to be, I should be happy that my life IS what it is. The bible says "THIS is the day which the LORD has made; Let us rejoice and be glad in IT." (Psalm 118:24) We should live life to the fullest now, and focus on the future, which is something that we can change, as opposed to the past which is now set in stone.

(i'll continue this next week, and it will have my main point in there too!)